Hello readers, haters and mum, today I’d like to talk about toxic people, toxic relationships and what exactly it means to be toxic. I’ve typically travelled through life believing that people are good, deep down, even when they’ve treated me like absolute shit. I’ve always thought that at the core of who people are, there is kindness and love. I’ve always tried to see the best in people, even when their worst is literally staring me right in the face.
Recently, I’ve experienced a major betrayal by my best friend of 8 years. I wont talk too much on that but looking back, the signs were always there that she was, indeed, toxic. It was pretty damn obvious to be honest. I feel like a bit of an idiot, but hey, we all make mistakes, right? I’ve gathered some signs of toxicity so that you can cut the toxic people out of your life before they can hurt you in the ways I’ve been hurt. As always, I am no expert, I am simply sharing some B-grade wisdom on the topic, hoping to help at least one person. Let me save you!
If you’re not familiar with gaslighting, it’s basically when a toxic person does something awful then makes the victim feel like they are being crazy or overreacting. If you’re hurt by something, don’t let anyone belittle that hurt. Don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings. Ever. Gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity and it is not okay. It’s incredibly hard to recognise when you are caught up in it, because you may genuinely think that you’re being crazy. But if you even suspect that you are being gaslighted, seek advice from other people close to you. An outside opinion will help put everything into perspective.
Fake, Fake, Fake!
Toxic people generally have two faces. They can be charismatic, loveable and caring one minute then completely cold and abusive the next. It’s usually behind closed doors that their true colours shine the brightest. They don’t want people to know how truly cruel they can be. But you’re not going crazy. Your feelings are valid. Don’t hold on to a relationship just because of the good times or because of the memories. Weigh up the good and the bad. If someone can hurt you with no remorse, they don’t truly care for you. Feel no shame in cutting them out of your life. Snip snip bitch. Move on and find better people. You deserve love and kindness. You deserve healthy relationships.
Stone cold cruelty
Sometimes, we let people into our lives that do some pretty horrible things. In my particular case, I watched my toxic person do some very cruel things to a lot of people over the years. It never quite sat right with me, but I always thought to myself, ‘she would never do that to me, because she loves me’. If you’re telling yourself ‘Yeah, they may have done that to them but they would never do that to me’, you’re dead wrong. If you think your exempt from a toxic person’s wrath, you’re kidding yourself. When someone shows you their true colours, don’t try and see the best in them. You’re not colour blind. Don’t try and rationalise their behaviour. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Focus on your healthy relationships. You might be wondering, what does a healthy relationship look like? It involves boundaries and honesty. I value the truth above all else. Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can’t trust someone to do something as basic as treat you with kindness, it’s time to let them go. Drop that bitch! Block them on absolutely everything. Block them, their family members and even their damn dog too. Because I guarantee that once they’re gone and they see you’re doing fine, they will try to come back. But don’t you dare let them. Stick with your healthy relationships and they will get you through.
When someone shows you their true colours, don’t try and see the best in them. You’re not colour blind. Don’t try and rationalise their behaviour. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
If you see any of these patterns in your current relationship, whether it be a friendship or romance, run! Run like there’s a bull behind you and get out before I did. Get out the second you smell smoke because let me tell you, you do not want to be there when that toxic house blows up.